Host/Hostess Gift Etiquette

{NOTE: In this particular blog post, the photos included are not my own, with the exception of just one. I have given credit for each of the sources.}

It’s the time of year when we begin receiving more invitations to dinner parties, cocktail parties, and open houses. No matter how well we know the person/couple inviting us, we should always bring a token of appreciation along with us to the gathering. And, although the ubiquitous bottle of wine is a good idea, we can be far more creative than that (and if giving a bottle of wine it should not be a cheap wine — don’t forget how much time, effort, and expense the hosts have gone to in preparing for the evening.) We don’t need to break the bank on a bottle but we certainly should not intentionally buy the cheapest either. The best gifts are items the host can set aside and enjoy later. The more thought we put into the gesture, the more meaningful the gift. Here are a few ideas to consider.

If Bringing a Bottle Try This

If we really do want to bring a bottle why not something other than wine such as a good bottle of Proseco or nice sparkling wine? Or consider an after dinner liqueur such as brandy, port, kahlua, etc. And to make it even more special, wrap it up with a beautiful tea towel tied with a ribbon. I make my own labels that I print out on card stock and hang on the neck of a bottle so they know who it came from, plus it simply looks more like a gift. Or simply wrapping the bottle with a wide velvet ribbon — that looks so luxe! Wouldn’t a host feel special knowing we put such thought into it? Oh and if the host asks us to bring our own refreshment, sure do that, but still bring a second bottle of wine (or other) for them to enjoy after the party. Whenever we’re invited to a gathering and are asked to bring our own refreshment, we always bring two bottles: one for us, unwrapped and one for the host nicely wrapped and sporting a gift tag.

If Invited to a Potluck Dinner

Even if we are contributing to the meal, we should still bring something to show the host/hostess our appreciation for them hosting the dinner. A bottle of wine is quite acceptable, a box of chocolates, or something we have made, for example. It needn’t be anything extravagant.

Gifts are Not Intended for Use at the Party

We should never arrive with a gift of food or alcohol and expect it to be used for the party (unless the host/hostess has specifically asked us to contribute to the meal — but that is NOT a hostess gift).  If we are arriving with alcohol or food it should be with the intention that it’s  for the host/hostess to enjoy after the party. So if we label it or include a notecard with it, we won’t be putting them on the spot. For instance, we could gift them with breakfast for the next day (fresh scones or banana bread, homemade jar of marmalade — you get the idea). Or perhaps a nice bottle of port with a local cheese and loaf of artisan bread they can enjoy the next day/evening. Heck, even a half dozen homemade buns (that they may end up using to make bunwiches for themselves with leftovers!)

I once attended a dinner party in which a guest had brought desserts she wanted everyone to try — it was awkward for the hostess and incompatible to the meal the hostess had put together. That said, the host/hostess may choose to serve our wine or food to the guests (that we intended for them for future) — if so, that’s their choice, and consider it a compliment.

We Should Not Suggest the Gift be Opened Right Away

Whether it’s a wrapped gift or not, this can be very awkward both for the hostess as well as other guests. What if another guest didn’t bring a gift, for instance, this could be quite embarrassing. Either discreetly hand the gift to our host/hostess or, if there is a console table at the entry, simply leave it and the card on the table for the hostess to find and open after the guests have gone home.

Flowers are Not Always Appropriate

I know, many people consider flowers as their go-to hostess gift. Take these points into consideration:

• If we bring cut flowers, our host/hostess then has to take time away from last minute prep in the kitchen and/or greeting people at the door to locate a suitable sized vase, arrange the flowers, then find a place for them.
• INSTEAD 1: Bring flowers already in a vase or in an arrangement but let the hostess know they are intended for his/her pleasure after the party and that it’s not necessary to put them out tonight. Flowers from our yard are perfect, but we should bring them already arranged in a vase or other container (even a mason jar is cute). Or, bring a beautiful long lasting potted plant such as an orchid and our host/hostess will remember us long after the party for leaving them with such a pleasurable gift.
• INSTEAD 2:  Bring a gift certificate from a nearby florist tucked inside a notecard. This way the host/hostess can go out and choose exactly what they want after the party and will take great pleasure in our thoughtful gesture.

 

Being Mindful in Selecting a Gift

It’s lovely if we are thinking of bringing a more personal gift of something useful. We shouldn’t assume they appreciate the same things we do —  we may be gifting them with something they have no use for or simply do not like. It will either sit in a cupboard somewhere, eventually ending up being re-gifted or in their next garage sale. If we know them well then selecting a gift that aligns with their interests works. If we don’t know them well then considering things such as: a gift certificate (florist, local bakery, restaurant); set of napkins; wine glass charms; napkin rings; stationery; coffee table book or celebrity cookbook; unscented candles; a trio of live herbs in pots; gourmet snacks (gourmet nuts or popcorn, gourmet spreads) or something we have made ourselves that anyone would enjoy (quick bread, box of homemade cookies; marmalade or pickles; anything we make that everyone always enjoys!). Keeping in mind when selecting a gift to consider what may make their life easier or would be a treat they may not necessarily buy for themselves (which is why thoughtful gift cards can work so well).

Wrapping it Up

Whatever gift we bring, it is more gift-like when we wrap it up or simply put a bow on it. We want to show our host/hostess we too have taken some time to make this special for them. Gifts become special with small touches like unique packaging and handwritten tags or labels. Besides, if it’s wrapped up with a tag, the host will realize immediately that it is truly a gift.

Avoid giving: gag gifts, scented anything, cheap wine, homemade wine (unless they’ve consumed it before and love it), food for the party (as already stated), knick knacks, anything that may need assembly.

HELPFUL TIP:

I keep a little box filled with a variety of gift items. This way, if we receive an invitation and don’t have time to make or buy something, I have a few things on hand that can be used in those circumstances. Since I have a variety of items, hopefully there will be something suitable whether it’s someone we know well or not. I tend to pick things up when I’m out and about and happen to see something that I immediately know will make an ideal hostess gift. It’s also a great way to take advantage of sales when buying in advance. Right now in my hostess gift stash are things such as: I have a set of cocktail napkins; a couple sets of dinner napkins; a cookbook (one of my favourites); my own photographic art notecards; two locally made beeswax candles (UNSCENTED); recipe cards; a hand woven tea towel made by a local artisan; a Christmas-themed candy dish.

With a little bit of thought and a wee bit more effort, we can all be guests whom every host/hostess will enjoy having over during the holidays (or anytime of year).

Also on this topic:

Made by Hand for Giving as Hostess Gifts

Easy Peasy Hostess Gifts

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